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 It was, therefore,
little wonder that, ere the morning broke, I had all but resolved to decline
this vile offer. For to the agonies of conscience I far preferred a
future life of penury and scorn. So entirely, in fact, had I dismissed
all thought of this proposal, that I would never have
enjoyed the blessings of honour and prosperity, had it not been for a single
tragic accident.
For upon the following day, whilst seated in a tavern, I
chanced to hear a scream, a wild neigh of horses, and a general shout --
purporting that some harlot, some creature who sold her favours to the lowest
blackguards, had been mortally trampled by a passing carriage. Someone
cried out for a doctor -- and I hastened to attend.
Suffice it to say that I did all within my power to save the
piteous wretch. Indeed, so conscious was she of my efforts that her
dying wish was for a way to compensate my kindness. But the short of the
matter is that when I considered that her immortal soul had fled and left
behind the carcass of a whore who, when alive, had not priced herself above a
shilling -- and when I considered furthermore how wrong it was to waste
within the earth what elsewise might be put to better purpose, then I
could not choose but see that frugality was rightly deemed a virtue.
I did not fail to attend the somber service and throw my bunch
of daisies in the grave. A few sad strumpets, who had paid both the
coffin-maker and the sexton, huddled next me to pay their last
respects. But no sooner did the sexton start to shovel in the dirt,
than they ceased their fond farewells and made off to do their business in
the streets. Then I, too, departed -- but only for so long as to hasten to my
lodgings and leave word that if a footman chanced to ask for me, he should
wait for my return.
By nightfall, when I set about my work, it was raining.
Gratefully, this inclemency of weather favoured the expedition of my
efforts: for not a single hackney passed to retard the steady progress of my
digging. Indeed, so quickly did I work, that I had broke into the box,
bagged my quarry, replaced the soil, and rode off in my cart, ere I bethought
myself to see whether the feet of the poor creature would answer the intent of
my commission.
It is difficult to convey what misery of panic this sudden
thought occasioned: for at once I saw that all my hopes of preferment (which
till now I barely allowed myself to entertain) might have come to nought had
the poor dead girl’s feet been unshapely or bruised and therefore failed to
fulfill the exacting requirements of my employer. At once I stopped my
cart along the road-side and had already contriv’d to untie the sack and, by
my lantern’s light, commenced to unlace the creature’s boots, when I heard
the sound of nearby footsteps. To my earlier panic, then, was
superadded the fresh horror of discovery and when I saw, from out the darksome
mist, that the footsteps were those of a mere old rag-man -- the vile
embodiment of all the beggarly misery from which I had arisen and which now
did seem to come betwixt me and my prize -- I do shamefully confess I itched
to strike him with my shovel. But happily such unworthiness was but a
moment’s sinful thought and this old man passed by me quite unharmed.
Indeed, I thanked God for my deliverance as I watched him turn the
corner. One may readily conceive with what frenzied and suspenseful
eagerness I now again hastened to unlace the slattern’s boots -- and with
what sudden access of relief and joy I at last removed them: for never
had I seen such slender perfection of the digits ----- or a more finely
shaped metatarsus.
It wanted yet several hours before daybreak (still the cold
rain fell and the sky was black as pitch) when I arrived back at my lodgings
with my quarry. The harridan from whom I let my garret must have heeded
my instructions, for awaiting me before that row of squalid houses were a
coach and four -- and my last night’s visitor shivering in the coach-box
against the cold and rain. This fellow -- this Simkyn Potter, as I learned
hereafter he was named -- gan now, as soon as he took note of my arrival, to
vent his spleen against my tardiness and the enormity of his discomforts and
assayed to pay me at once for my choice specimen and be gone. But I
would have none of it, for I would not be cheated of my chance to wait upon
and be of service to a rich and noble earl. Therefore I told this surly
coachman that by the means of certain medicaments I could forestall the
wonted stiffening of the dead, give both colour and fragrance to the flesh,
which would please his lord more fully than would stiff and foul meat.
In fine, I played the doctor and warned him that he gravely risked his lord’s
displeasure, which so frighted him that now again, as he had been the
night before, he was all servility and smiles -- and agreed that
I myself should bring my trophy to his lord.
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