| Scene
Two |
| As
the lights come up we see a cafeteria style lunch room. All patrons
are wearing business suits, carry enormous "planners" and are seated
in large, executive office chairs. They never leave these chairs,
but scoot wherever they go. The constant noise of cellphones and beepers
is heard in the background. In addition, occasionally, a louder cellphone/beeper
noise is heard as though it is nearby. The response is that everyone
on stage has to stop to check if the noise is coming from their particular
device. In doing this, all communication is immediately broken off,
people visibly swivel away from each other to check their devices.
The effect of this activity on the action of the scene should be a
kind of frustrating, staccato movement. Spoken lines are not fluid;
ideas are disjointed. Everyone is talking; no one is listening. Phone
messages and beeper messages are apparently much more important than
face to face conversation. At the rear of the stage is a lunch counter
with trays that slide along. No one can get very far because of the
constant ringing of cell phones and pagers. The main characters have
to shout to be heard. Above the Lunch Counter is a large picture ofThoreau.
Behind the counter are two employees dressed in fast food uniforms.
Benedict is fat. Marty is short and thin. These two are the only characters
who do not follow the seemingly mechanized pattern that the noise
creates. Enter lawyers John and Stanley in chairs. They proceed to
the cafeteria line and begin their stop and go Journey down the sliding-tray
cafeteria rail. |
| John |
|
(fairly
loudly) I've been doing a lot of thinking about this case, Stanley. |
| Stanley |
|
(Checking
his silverware for cleanliness) What? (loud ring) Oh wait. (everyone
checks; the ring belongs to no one) WHAT? |
| John |
|
I
SAID I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THE CASE. YOU KNOW THE GORILLA
CASE. |
| (loud
ring) |
| Stanley |
|
I...oh
hold on. (checks along with John and all executives on stage; nameless
extra answers his phone and begins frantically looking through his
planner.)(to John) I'm sorry, you were saying? |
| John |
|
THE
GORILLA CASE- I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, AND I'M NOT SURE HOW TO
APPROACH IT. |
| Stanley |
|
Look,
John (ring) Oops, hang on. (It is his. Furiously thumbing through
his planner he says "yeah" a few times and hangs up.) I've worked
a thousand gorilla cases. The trick is to use the fact that he is
a gorilla to advance your case. For instance (ring) oh, wait... (not
his; some one else goes to town in his planner.) Where was I? |
| John |
|
USE
THE GORILLA. |
| Stanley |
|
Right.
The key is... |
| Benedict |
|
(To
Stanley) What'llitbe? |
| Stanley |
|
Uh,
I'll have the (ring) hang on (not his) I'll have the hamburger steak,
(to John) What was I saying? |
| Benedict |
|
It's
Salisbury Steak. |
| Stanley
|
|
WHAT? |
| Benedict |
|
IT'S
SALISBURY STEAK. HAMBURGER STEAK DOESN'T COME WITH TOOTHSOME GRAVY. |
| Stanley |
|
ALRIGHT,
I'LL HAVE THAT AND BLACKEYED PEAS. (to John) Anyway (ring) hold up...
(it's his-another animated wrestling match with the planner-a few
"yeah's" and a "no" or two. Checks a date with John who wrestles with
his planner. Something is agreed upon.) Any way the key is... |
| Benedict |
|
THEY
ARE PURPLE HULLS. |
| Stanley |
|
What? |
| John |
|
I
THINK HE MEANS THE PEAS. |
| Stanley |
|
What
peas? |
| Benedict |
|
YOU
SAID BLACKEYED PEAS WHEREAS THESE ARE CLEARLY PURPLE HULLS. |
| Stanley |
|
(to
John)I never could tell the difference between those (to Benedict)
OK let me have some Purple Hulls, (to John) The key, John, is to use
what we are presented with. Now think about this. Yes, Doug is a gorilla,
but he is also an American. An American born in Africa. That, my friend,
makes him an African American and Bingo, we got ourselves a discrimination
case. Think of the press-White Teacher Whips African American. Baby,
we are in the money, (ring) Time out (not his) |
| Benedict |
|
DESSERT
SIR? |
| Stanley |
|
Is
that Lemon Pie? |
| Benedict |
|
NO.
|
| Stanley |
|
Well
what is it? |
| Benedict |
|
IT'S
LIME PIE SIR. THE LEMON PIE CLEARLY HAS A VANILLA WAFER PIE WALL. |
| Stanley |
|
Pie
wall? |
| Benedict |
|
YES
SIR. THE HEEL OF THE PIE. IMAGINE LOOKING AT THE PIECE OF PIE MATHEMATICALLY
FROM ABOVE. THE SLIGHTLY ARCED BASE OF THE ISOSCELES TRIANGLE YOU
SEE IS THE PIE WALL OR HEEL OF THE PIE. IN THE CASE OF LEMON PIE,
IT IS CONSTRUCTED OF VANILLA WAFERS. |
| Previosly
unseen, by the audience is a handcuffed Ned having lunch with his
lawyers. At the mention of the isosceles triangle he stands profoundly
interested and is quickly/creed back into his seat by his lawyers.
No one notices. |
| Stanley |
|
I'll
pass. |
| John |
|
BUT
HE WAS IN THE PROCESS OF RAPING THAT GIRL. |
| Stanley |
|
Jesus
Christ, John. Where did you go to law school? Have you never studied
Kuntsler? We are going to use the Simian Rage Defense, (ring) Woop.
(Checks, as does everyone but John. Another ring sounds- all eyes
on John who is thinking) I think that is yours. |
| John
|
|
OH
JESUS! (wrestles with the phone) |
| Benedict |
|
What
for you sir? |
| John |
|
NOTHING!
(tries to answer phone but it is too late) OH GOD. (furiously goes
through planner trying to figure out whose call he has missed.) |
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