"Look I don't know why I'm here I don't have problems getting dates. I mean I might not be the best looking guy in the world but I know I'm not bad looking." The man said all this real fast, like a talking teddy bear running out of string.

"Hi," I said, smiling back, and with that, he looked straight at me for the first time since the cashier stand.

"Hi." He swiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "I'm not making excuses or anything, it's just--"

Bic came up to our table. He put down a napkin in front of me and winked. "Another whiskey?" he asked the old man who waved his hand no. Then Bic looked at me. I didn't know what to order, mostly because I'd never been in a bar before.

"I'm okay. I don't want anything," I said, but he just stood there, not going away. He was a wall, waiting for me to say the right words.

"Riuniti on ice?" I said.

"What?" Bic crumpled his face, but then answered himself. "We don't got that."

"Vodka?" I said, trying my best to sound older. Then I remembered Ms T. telling me to order vodka so they could serve me water and it would look the same. Bic rolled his eyes and walked off. "With two cherries," I yelled after him, "and an orange." I was starving.

I turned back and caught the old man wiping his face up and down with both hands, like he was washing it or something, then he rattled his head to shake off the invisible water. He took a deep breath, held it, then let it out, sending me a wave of garlic and more garlic. His face squeezed out a big clown smile that looked more painful than anything, and he pulled up his chair closer to the table, sitting upright and tall. He was a new man. He was gonna take it from the top.

"Hi. My name's Eugene. What's yours?" He said this in a crisp, new voice.

"Nee Ka."

"Nee Ka. Now there's a name you don't hear everyday."

"Actually, I pretty much hear it everyday." I meant for him to laugh, but he didn't.

"Where do you work?" he asked, and he wasn't kidding. He took a mechanical sip of his drink then tapped the side of his glass with the plastic sword. "WHERE---DO---YOU----WORK?" He shouted in a way that made you think we must've been under water.

"Uh, I work-"

"What college do you go to?"

"Sure. I mean, yes." I couldn't keep up.

"You must get good grades. I always did. You look like you'd be good in school." He took another sip of his drink, with both hands cupping the glass.

"Pretty much A's in everything," I said.

"Everything?" He let out a smirk.

"Uh---I think I'm flunking in Gym?"

"I didn't know they had Gym classes in college."

I didn't answer. Didn't like this game anymore. Plus, my mouth was dirt dry. But he kept staring into me long, watching me shred my napkin and twist them into little boogers.

I was glad Bic came back when he did. He put my drink down (no cherry, no orange), and Eugene said, No, no, I got it, waving his hand, even though no one offered to pay anything. He pulled out a fistful of money from his pocket and counted it slowly. They were mostly ones, though. He handed Bic a couple of bills and told him to keep the rest.

"Great. I can make that phone call now," Bic said, but Eugene didn't hear.

I took huge gulps of the water, it felt good to drown my throat, but stopped when I saw Eugene looking at me all funny (I'd forgotten he thought my drink was vodka). I put down the glass and squinted my face how actors do it when they drink on TV.

"Don't you want to know what I do for a living?" he finally asked.

"Uh huh," I said. He looked at me hard again. Right. I was supposed to ask.

"What do you do for a living?" I sat up and tried to look real interested.

"Let's just say I have a job that most people don't realize how tough it is. Would you like to guess?"

Sure, it's your dime, but I could never say that. "You a cop?" Miss T. said I should ask this because cops got everything on the house.

"Me? No," and he shook his head to make the words go away."But I could've been one, I suppose. I'm in pretty good shape for my age. Okay, keep going."

"A baker." He didn't like this guess much.

"Go on," he said with a hard voice.

"A nurse." I was trying to make him laugh again but he didn't like this one at all. Just shot me a look and didn't say a word.

"A doctor." This was much better. His mouth stretched into a crooked smile.

"That's a very good guess. Both my parents and my older brother are doctors, so I guess you could say it's in my genes." Then he got a faraway look in his eyes. "But I wanted more freedom with my life. Didn't want a pager telling me what to do."

I looked over Eugene's shoulders. Marilyn came out from the back hallway, and seconds later, her two boys followed, their faces covered in smiles. The guy in the white suit had one shirt collar sticking up, and he was looking down, checking his zipper. Marilyn walked them to the door and after blowing several kisses at them, she turned and beamed at Lana. She passed by Lana on purpose to get to a table on the dance floor, where a new date sat waiting for her. Lana could've put a hole in her, the way she was staring.

"Okay, give up?" Eugene asked.

"Yeah," I said, as I watched Lana put down her glass and weave toward the dance floor. She crashed into a table, knocked over a chair, then another table where Marilyn sat arm-in-arm with her date. Without a beat, Lana threw up all over her.

"I'm a courier. Wouldn't have guessed it, right?"

Marilyn shrieked and shot up from her seat (I almost did, too) cussing and fanning her hands over her huge boobs now soaked in vomit.

"Are you okay?" Eugene said, waving a hand in front of my eyes.

I looked behind him again, but only for a second. "It must be exciting driving to different places everyday."

"That's very true. I never know what my day's going to be like and I like that. Some days I'm extremely busy---"

Over Eugene's shoulder I saw Lana shout something like Fuck off! to Marilyn and with no warning, she bent over, grabbed the date by the head and tongued him, right then and there, like it was her last kiss or something. The date tried to push her off and Marilyn slapped her everywhichway but it was no use. Lana kept at it and didn't come up for air.

"And lifting those packages takes more strength than you think. It's a great workout. All the secretaries on my route, they can't believe some of the packages I deliver."