And it's all because Kirkwood is holding on to her. He will not let her go. He knows more than he reveals. He has control over these things.

Keith ... his grip is the very devil, the brown-eyed devil, the one who keeps us here. She takes a small jittered breath and leans into his warmth, feels their individual heats mate. Without him she would have been so afraid. Without him, she would have been lost. She hears his breathing fast and shallow in her ear. So he has been there before, he has seen this - she knows it - and that is the reason he clasped her so tight, to let her be blown through.

Sex ... with Keith, oh yes! When that comes, it will be the ultimate. Break the taboo. Yes. Yes. Break the taboo and screw the married headmaster. Laugh at Helen's secret. Laugh at her memory.

She'll have the man she deserves, even if she has to borrow him from his wife. She'll do it before any more empty years pass by. And she'll rub out both conscience and consequences. Oh, yes, this drug, sex, better found now than never ... She'd stay firmly on the ground with Keith and she'd be able to let go, too ... because he would have her thread wrapped firmly around his little finger.